Hold my hand, no more, darling.

Dear Piya,

I hear stories of empty nesters.

These are parents whose kids have grown up and flown out of their best, this leaving it empty for these parents now.

Often, I have wondered how these parents cope with the void that their kids leave behind.

While I have always favoured an indpendent 'you', the very thought of having to live in a house where you have grown up is a little heart-breaking, to say the least!

And to think of it, you are not even 5, yet :)

So, what is it that makes the gut squirm in pain at the thought of distancing physically from you?

I got of glimpse of this, just today...

We are away in a vacation with some friends.

You are enjoying yourself with a dip in the pool, a castle-buildup by the beach sand and even with a little carefree roaming here & there.

Amidst all this, we are trying to have a little joy of our own by being chatty & relaxed with our gang of accompanying friends.

So when we were sitting in the garden of our beautiful resort today, enjoying the evening snack cum chatter, you found yourself oddly drawn to our room (a 5-min-walk-away cottage).

You came up to me & asked to go there.

I was not feeling quite up to it, as I had walked up & down the resort a few times since morning.

You said you wanted to pee. So you had to go, without a doubt.

My face showed clear hesitation.

Judging it correctly, you said "I can go on my own, Mumma".

My eyes widened with a mix of doubt & surprise.

"I know the way. Besides, Papa is back at the room, so he will open the door for me."

I thought over this for a little while - 5 seconds to be precise, as you were holding your pee-pee area with intent.

I called up your Papa and shared that you are coming to the cottage. I asked him to give me a call back the second you reached.

As I saw you peace away towards the room, I couldn't help but look at your hands, dancing around your waist freely, as you ran.

And just as I saw that, I felt the emptiness of your hands hold around mine. You have held my hand on your way to places for son long that my palms felt vacant now.

Maybe that's what an empty nest feels like, when multiplied by a factor of 1000.

Your independence, that I so desire & encourage, is going to come with many such small heartbreaks.

I can only hope that I am happier for the path you will walk upon confidently rather than sad for the footprints left behind in my heart.

Thankfully, my heartache got replaced by a streak of anger, as later that evening, I realised you weren't around only to find you back at the room, all by yourself again!

Can't wait to grow up & be all by yourself, eh, kiddo?!

Patience, child, patience.

Love,

Maa.