Dear Piya,
As you have passed months after month of growing up, I have become more & more slack with writing to you.
Many a time, the delay has been unintentional, and then again, many a time, I have not been able to bring myself to writing to you over the said thought or emotion.
This is one of the latter times.I must admit - I have delayed writing this letter to you.
And even as I have pushed myself to reach this moment now, I am a bit blank over how to go about jotting down what we are going through.
I have avoided writing more about what this year 2020 will probably go down in history as - The year of Covid19 (Corona Virus).
It is a pandemic that hit the whole world like a black swan, and has shaken up everything we thought was rock-solid.
Businesses went down, jobs were lost, commute came to a standstill...
But as people remained indoors, relationships got a chance to grow.
During the 2.5 months of a lockdown that we saw in our country, I spent time with a 3-year-old-you, the same way I did when you were 3-weeks-old.
We were together, day & night!
And it has remained so, since then, even as it is nearing 7 months of the world battling with Covid, much thanks to 'stay at home as a precaution' still being the norm.
We are deep into the 'Unlock' phase, and life is slowly going back to normal (the New Normal, that is).
A mask is more essential that the shirt on our backs.
Sanitisation is more important than having taken a bath.
And social distancing is given prominence over everyone, no matter what their relation or stature.
Amidst this, sadly, I started feeling weak & unwell, one evening, a few days back.
My body ached, my throat hurt, my skin felt warm & my eyes wanted to go to sleep in redness.
I have been taking all the precautions that are being advised as the fighting chance against Covid, despite no fool-proof medicine having being discovered so far.
But something is better than nothing is the chant every hopeful human-being is abiding by, as did I.
But amidst hot-liquid-intakes, Ayurvedic medicines, home remedies and health-centric food, all as a preventive measure, when I still felt like my body was struck with a spiking temperature in an uncertain time like this, I had to put into action a mother's worst nightmare.
I had to distance myself from you...
The days have been long and hard.
The nights have been impossibly cruel.
I wake up every hour, checking my phone, half-heartedly hoping that you would have slept through the night with your grandma without yearning for me, and then again, hoping I haven't missed a call from her telling me to talk an inconsolable-you back to sleep.
Piya, my love, it has been 3 years, 4 months & 21 days, since you held my finger.
Not a day has gone by, ever since, when you did not have me by your side.Or at least, not a day had gone by...
It has been, but, 2 days & 2 nights, since I haven't hugged you.
2 nights, since I haven't thanked God for blessing me with you, as I poured love all over your sleeping cuteness.
2 days, since I haven't woken up to 'Mummaaaaaa' as your still-sleepy eyes sought only me in the morning...
Sorry to say, but herein, the benefit of seeing you over a video call doesn't help when you keep on running away from what appears to be a glass surface with your mother's face on it!
I haven't tested positive for Covid19, yet. Our family doctor says that this is most likely the viral flu. He will let me know if the test needs to be done, tomorrow.
But I don't want to take any chances; not any with your safety, for sure.
You are with your grandparents at their place, my love, as I have self-isolated myself in a room in our home.
And I think that this is for the best; that you stay away from me for now.
I miss you to the moon and back!But I fear a greater ordeal lies ahead.
If I am to test positive tomorrow, then I am looking at a big multiple of these 2 days & 2 nights that we have been apart.
And as much as I want to showcase my strong side, this thought makes my heart go really weak.
Piya, my love, I cross my fingers and hope that this is not Covid19, and that I will get to kiss your baby-face, a million times, tomorrow itself.
But if it is, can I ask one thing of you?
When this is all over and when we meet, after the days & the nights go by in our separation, can you come running into my arms, as I go down on my knees at a distance, waiting for my little girl to hit my chest hard enough to drown all the hurt & the longing in it into a gigantic reunion of life that is you & I?
The beauty of this incoming moment will hold me together as the light at the end of the tunnel.
Do me this favour, my baby, and I will smile through the woes that may come, I promise...
In the meanwhile, I am sending kisses & hugs your way. May you feel them in your sleep like you always do.
Love,
Maa.
