In the lap of mother

Dear Piya,
I have often heard this phrase - ‘In the lap of Mother Nature’, being used to describe the immense joys of enjoying nature.
It is only recently that I realised why the phrase is worded so.

There are many activities that you & I engage in, on a routine-basis.
I call you. You don’t reply.
I ask you to do something. You don’t do it.
I ask you not to do something. You go ahead and do that, right that second.
I get mad at you. You smile your way into a hug.
I kiss you a million times. You yell for help the second kiss onwards.
I insist on having you in my arms. You try to run away all the time.
And my favourite - I place you in my lap, so as to see you face to face, which believe it or not is much harder these days as the toddler in you is a constant flight-risk. Herein, you oblige at time, given the extent of the allure of my promised prize.
Yes, I have to trick you into sitting in your mother’s lap these days, as I am at that point of motherhood wherein I want to hold onto you, whereas you are at that stage in your childhood wherein you wish to explore the world beyond your mother’s tutelage.

Shortly put, my little birdie seeks the horizons beyond my nest.

But, I keep on insisting on some lap-time everyday.
I mostly do so at the end of the day, as I recite some story to you, as you sit in my lap. You resist a lot. Your attention gets sought by the vast corners of our room, which you wish to scatter toys in. But my arm holds onto your wrist firmly. Slowly, drowsiness takes over your eyes and you take interest in the story I am telling.
This is the time I take to see how much the girl I first held in my arms has grown up.
I caress your hair continuously, thanking my stars for the best of all the worlds that I have in the form of you.
You keep gesturing me to stop pulling your cheeks every few seconds with a frown, which only make me cuddle you more.
As your head starts to feel heavy, you request that I switch to singing your favourite lullaby, which I do.
My sleepy baby then rests her head on my shoulders and closes her tired eyes.
I kiss your forehead many times, while holding your petite fingers in my palms. I pat your back for being an amazing child, at the same time whispering positive thoughts into your ear.

As I gently rock my soon-to-fly-out-of-my-nest-birdie, this lap seems filled with the best of treasures my heart can desire for. It is in this moment that I realise what a content heart feels like, as well as what a thankful soul feels like.

I think the phrase gets it right because of this very aspect of a mother - the source of her bond to her child - her lap. For me, this is the best part of the day. I can only wish it is so for you too.



Love,
Maa.

Double Standards and Reverse Psychology

Dear Piya,

I think the title of this letter is self-explanatory.
But to add some context and elements of nostalgic laughter to this, I will share some stories behind this pain-in-the-head repetitive cycle of reverse psychology.

One of the first traits that I believe a toddler develops is that of 'double standards'.
Don't take offence.
Just yet.

You have a love-hate relationship with the word 'No'.

You love it to the extent of chanting it in response to any request; and to this, you add your charismatic touch of drama.
Depending upon the impact you think your reply may have on my state of mind, it varies from a silent nod from left to right many times over, to a boisterous 'Nooooooooo' as you run in the opposite direction of my presence.
Somewhere, in between, are seeped in many a crying-sobbing-wailing-no; these pop up every time you are required to do something on time, like brush your teeth, take a bath, eat your meal, not eat everything apart from your meal, go to sleep, etc.

As annoying as listening to the constant negative replies from you is to me, this was but the love side of the story. That is to say how you love saying 'No'.
From my point of view, it is a hate-hate story and here is why I hate both sides of it.

As much as not doing something appeals to the naughty child in you, so does doing exactly what you are asked not to, too!

You would think that listening to a 'No', for a person who loves humming this word, would be a short & compliant deal. But noooooooo!
There seems to be a bee within you who buzzes awake every time she is asked not to do something, only to go ahead and do it right away.
If I were to ask you to not sit on a particular chair, and choose any other place to lodge you tiny body in, that chair would have you jump into it before I am done telling you where else you may sit.
If I were to tell you that you should drink carefully lest you spill water out of your mouth, you would giggle that very moment to make a sprinkler dance out of your lips.

I could go on with many more 'If I were to...', but I guess you get the flow.
So you get it why I say you have double standards, right?

Here is the sad part - there is no winning against a toddler, no matter how flip-flop they do to suit their convenience.
And here is the not-so-sad-part - there is no winning against the woman, who gave birth to the said toddler, either as she is the mother of all the child's strategies.

So, if you say no to eating something, I just declare that you shouldn't eat it no matter what.
"This is NOT for you."

"DON'T you enter the shower for a bath!"

"Wear this dress, NOT the other one (which I chose I chose in the first place)."

"Please DON'T sleep now. You have to stay up till late."

Oh, how wonderful the results are, as this trick of reverse psychology works like a charm!
I have to suppress the sigh of relief in my breath, as you instantly get to doing what you were specifically asked not to, lest you stop doing it for reverse effect.

This works most of the times, which is still better than expecting compliance from a toddler who loves 'No'. For those exceptional times when you figure out how I am trying to trick you into something by the use of negatives, I still get a hearty laugh at how my little girl is getting smarter by the day.

I will make you a deal, love.
You quit your double standards and I will quit applying reverse psychology, what say?
Aaaaah, thought so!



Love,
Maa.

Mumma ke tummy mein se

Dear Piya,

There are way too many things happening around you, as you have steeped hard onto that paddle of growing up.
I constantly find myself making a mental note of what I would want my next letter to be about, only to end up forgetting the first note as I conjure up the fifth letter in my memory.

But here is something that I haven't written about; that I should have written to you a long time back.

"You came from me.
You are a part of me.
You are the best reason I have ever had to smile.
And that is because you came out of me..."

This is what the expression of 'I can't believe I have such an adorable baby' in my eyes has stood for, every time I have looked at you.
This is what my words have struggled to express, every time you have coming running into my chest with a thud with a 'Mummmmmmmmmyyyy'.
This is what my chest enlarged with extra deep breaths means, every time you do something impossibly amazing, making me feel proud on cloud nine.
This is what that mute moments of long stares at you try to communicate as my eyes remain fixated on your beautiful, little, sleeping face of an angel, wondering whether to risk touching you to close your gaped open, drooling mouth.

You came from me.
I have skipped heartbeats with this sentence on my lips as much as I have grinned my teeth wide upon ownership of this sentence.

Now, the reason I am writing to you about this just now isn't purely coincidental.
While I maintain how I have felt this way ever since you were born, I had only muttered this feeling under my breath so far; that was till today.

Take it from you mother - It is one thing to experience love for your child in every cell of your body, and a completely different butterflies-in-my-stomach mixed with tears-in-my-eyes kind of thing to have your child repeat your feeling!

Today, I took the liberty of telling you where babies come from (a friend is expecting and I was sharing the welcoming idea for a new baby with you).
As I described a baby's entry into the world through a pop out of her mother's tummy, the next line of conversation naturally led to, "Do you know where you came from, Piya? You came out of Mumma's tummy!"

You looked at my face with an incredulous expression.
And then you looked in the direction of my stomach.

"No...." said your face.

"Yes! Aap Mumma ke tummy mein se aaye ho!" I repeated wanting an affirmation from you (because I just needed to have you believe then & there!)

"Mumma ke tummy mein se", you finally giggled with.

"Awwwww..." I pulled you in and hugged you tightly. I did not want to let you go for a long minute, but you needed your space because you weren't back in my tummy just like that.

"Aap kahan se aaye ho, Piya?" I asked greedily to hear you say it again.
"Mumma ke tummy mein se" you replied, with a less ecstatic expression now.

Wanting to make you say it again, I instantly & naively asked, "How did you come out of Mumma's tummy?" only to realise what a dumb line of questioning that was.

Now, you better believe me that little humans like you are born with wit ingrained in them, because here you replied with, "I slowly crawled out of Mumma's tummy and then came out with a hurray!"

I stared at you with an incredulous expression now, only to nod my head with disbelief at my child's innate genius moments later.

"Piya...Piya!"
That's all I could manage to say.

I have said it before and I will say it again -
You are amazing, my love!
You are the most amazing part of me.
You are the best reason I have ever had to smile.
And that is because you came out of me...



Love,
Maa.

The essence of a good life

Dear Piya,

What is important in life?
You will get different answers from people to this question.
Good food, ample wealth, name, fame, power, travel - the options are plentiful.

If I were to ask a small child, she would probably say that play is very important to her.
To a pubescent child, going out with friends (or having no homework) would score as very important.
And to most adults who have gone beyond these tangibles in life, the most important aspect of living would be ‘sleep’.

Yes.

Sleep is the most important factor of a good life.
And the gesture of gifting somebody the luxury of sleep - that is divine!

While I learnt of this wonderful truth some years into my marriage (life was blissfully carefree prior to that), I claimed membership to this elite school of thinking, which believe me that ‘Sleep is the seance of life’, ever since you were born.

I have no idea, though, as to how to make a wailing baby understand why her mother needs a gift of good sleep from her.
You may be two years old, but you still qualify as a baby.

You have no worries about getting up early to catch the worm. You just want to enjoy playing and frolicking around till as long as possible through the night.
In fact, I jokingly say this to many - if I don’t pull you into bed, you could do a vigil every night!

But, as is the case quite often with us, I underestimated your deep understanding of this subject.
So, while taking a good snooze is essential for a mother to endure the next day, you made me realise that one element that supersedes this - The benefit of a sleeping child after the mother has woken up!
Oh, yes!
The liberty to wake up, stretch a little without turning around in horror of having woken up your child by doing so, sit on the pot in peace with no knocks on the bathroom’s door to make you get out in the middle of your session, the ultimate luxury of starting a shower & finishing the process of washing your hair in one go - my, oh, my!
These are precious beyond sleep.

So yesterday, when I got out of bed, rather slithered out, my foot stepped on to the ground with a tad bit more force than usual.
This was enough to reach your supersonic hearing capacity, even in deep sleep.

You moved a little, while still asleep, and prayers started whispering out of my lips.

Much to my agony, you opened your eyes.
You saw your mother standing in front of our bed, with her hands folded in a plea.
You blinked twice, as I prepared for a tear down my cheek.
But then you shook your head and went back to sleep.

I froze in that moment.
I did not know how to react.

Having you ruin my morning routine by waking up exactly when I am in the bathroom - that I am used to.
Having you give me the breathing space of finishing my morning routine, by going back to sleep - this was absolutely new!

I wanted to dance in joy, but I couldn’t risk you waking up yet again, lest you decide not to repeat the last act of mercy.
So I did a little ‘hurray’ in my mind and tiptoed into the bathroom.

‘My baby is gaining such maturity at such a young age...Awww.’ I couldn’t stop smiling to myself.

And then, after freshening up, just as I was washing my face, I heard the familiar cry of ‘Mommee’.

‘Aha...so much for maturity, baby!’
And I came out to welcome your day with a hug.

But I won’t steal your credit altogether.
You did something amazing; even if it was for just a few minutes, it does count.
Just try stretching it by a minute more every week, from now, will you please?


Love,
Maa.

The Opposites

Dear Piya,

This world exists in opposites.
There is black to white.
There is day to night.
There is zero to one.
And then there is child to mum.

Let’s talk a bit about that last contrast.

I wish for you to learn good things. Through these I believe you will incorporate good behaviour. And for this, I have been communicating, the benefits of being good, to you since you were in the babble-phase-of-life.

For every good deed done by you (picking up your toys, finishing your meal, brushing your teeth instead of your lips, accepting the pair of clothes I have chosen for you to wear, etc.) I always make it a point to say aloud “What a good girl you are!”

In line with the opposites of the world, then, for every bad deed I wish you wouldn’t do (throw things around, spill the food everywhere space exists, refuse to eat, refuse to take a bath, refuse to go to sleep, refuse to wake up, etc.) I try to evoke good behaviour through “Are you not a good girl? Do you want to be a bad girl?”

You must be wondering how silly all this sounds. Well, wait no more for it to get sillier. I actuate your good behaviour with your liking for the animal kingdom.
“The peacock did not spread its feathers today. Do you know why? Because you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.”
“Can you hear the dog barking? It is angry with you for not eating your meal.”
“See? Even the pigeons are flying away to sleep now.”

Now the beauty of childhood lies in two essential elements-
1. A young mind, being a blank slate, is very trusting. This works a lot in the favour of parents finding the journey a bit tumultuous with unstoppable little merry-go-rounds like you
2. A young mind, being a brilliant learner, learns of all their parents tricks in no time, leaving the poor parents with little respite from their unstoppable merry-go-rounds

Simply put, you were very receptive of my ‘Need to be good’ strategy - a reward for good deed and then some scolding for the bad deeds. I was conditioning you well, I believed, and slept peacefully for many a night.
That was till you figured out that being good is nothing but lame. Everything you really ever wanted always happened to fall in the ‘bad’ category.

And so, thereafter, to every “Aren’t you a good girl?” query of mine, you became quick with a smiling acceptance of “Nope! I am a bad girl”.
I guess you thought ‘Eh! What does bad bring in anyway? I might as well embrace the tag and enjoy the forbidden treats!’

You now relish ice-creams at night, as I stare my ray of ‘Bad girl!’ at you from across the room. Since you have already flaunted being a bad girl, you simply giggle from behind the ice-cream-moustache around your mouth.
For every time that I claim that the dog is mad at you for not going to sleep, you tell me to go put the dog to sleep instead.
And then, there is the never-ending drama-wail of yours which you seldom restrain from your lips; it’s effective & immediate solution is that I give up trying to convince you to behave, and simply shout out “Do what you want! Sleep. Don’t sleep. Eat. Don’t eat. Bathe or don’t! Why do I care!”

And this is how you bring out the third interesting essential element of childhood -
3. A young mind, being a kind heart it is, will always beat with sweet sounds of ‘Mumma’ on its lips

I guess you realise that you enjoy being bad for only as long as it bothers me.
And so, the minute I give up on you is the time you decide that being bad isn’t worth it after all.

This should be the answer to the question mark that popped in your head when I put child & mum in the ‘opposites’ of the world, right?


Love,
Maa.

Aapey Aapey

Dear Piya,

Taking care of a baby is quite a task for a mother.
I could write this whole letter solely upon how tedious it becomes for me to live through the cycle of ‘Feed, Clean, Repeat’ again and again, through years together; waiting for you to become self-sufficient one day.

Ironically, I am told that after the child does become independent, this phase is what a mother misses the most. I guess there is deeper emotion somewhere in being needed by your child.

But that seems to be a feeling reserved for exploration only in retrospect.
Because while this cycle goes on & on, a mother keeps putting in efforts to make the child not call ‘Mumma’ every second second.

Two major tasks I wished for you to master were - potty-training & self-feeding.

While you helped me immensely by mastering the former really early, your practical application of the latter came with an unforeseen round of troubles.

I think I should introduce the phrase ‘Aapey Aapey’ at this point - it stands for a screaming ‘I will do it myself!’

Oh, if I had a penny for every time you shouted ‘Aapey Aapey’!
You are a quick learner, baby.
You realised pretty soon that eating on your own is more in your favour than mine (I would be relived of the task of sitting patiently for an hour as you weigh whether you want to eat or not).

Yes, so you were the bigger beneficiary here and this is how. As your mother, I am obliged to make food for you that is more healthy than tasty. I was able to keep your sticky little hands off a lot of chocolates, chips & ice creams this way, for the first two years.
I did instil the concept of ‘Do it yourself’ alongside, in order to make you do your own chores like eating, wiping, picking up your toys etc. but I did not see this backfiring in any way - here came the terrible twos.
Herein, you knew you were better off without Mumma’s pestering to eat.
So you mastered the phrase ‘Aapey Aapey’.

“Eat your food, Piya! It’s getting cold.”
“Aapey, Aapey, Mumma”, you would say, only to grab the roti, make it barely touch the sabzi, and call it your meal.

“This is soup, Piya! What will you do with a fork in it?”
“Aapey, Aapey, Mumma!” And there went the soup, your clothes and the floor on their way to getting spoilt.

“Time to brush your teeth, Piya!”
“Aapey, Aapey!!!” You would scream if I even touched your toothbrush. I would stare as you chew through the toothpaste for 5 long minutes, before trying to make you brush properly, and that is where the ‘Aapey, Aapey’ scream would ring aloud again.

Oh, yes, this phrase has now seeped into every aspect of our lives and is not just limited to you eating a meal anymore.

You want to select your clothes ‘Aapey, Aapey’, which seldom match to make a pair.
You want to bathe on your own, which makes the bathroom a pond in no time
You want to carry your toys all by yourself too, which only means that the scatter-farm-exhibit is open for anybody & everybody to enjoy across the house.

Oh, for the good old days when I did things for you by myself! Yes, my back did hurt, and yes, I did wish for some of the work to be delegated to you.
But if only I had known the stubbornness of this ‘Aapey, Aapey’...

Wait, you are making way to my cosmetic-box again.
Wait!
That is not for ‘Aapey, Aapey!’

Wait.....!



Aapey, Aapey,
Maa.

Needles in a haystack.

Dear Piya,

I am writing to the two-year-old (a few months plus) chirpy toddler that you are today.

I have written to you about a lot of events that we have shared since you were born. Through that, I prided myself into believing that I had captured the timeline of your growth.
But I recently realised that seldom has time been captured.

It just goes on to prove how depreciating an asset a human brain is - there is only so much it can remember over a period of time.

I used to believe that if something is genuinely important, then no matter what happens, it remains etched in one's memory.

Putting the same words in a different format again, allow me to say this - You are the most important person in my life; yet I seem to have forgotten some beautiful things that you exhibited when you a tad more little.

My phone brimmed yesterday with yet another blink of 'Memory is full'.
I needed to clear my phone's memory to make space for future memories to be captured (hehe...that sounds cool!).
As would be expected, I browsed the photos section of the phone, as that is the where a major chunk of phone-storage-data is consumed. I swiped through the pictures till I reached the oldest ones.
Almost all of them were your captures :)

As I started selecting multiple pictures & videos to delete, I realised that the baby in them looked quite different from the baby I have with me today.
No, you did not get swapped in those two years, so relax.

The baby in the pictures doesn't leave my lap.
The baby with me today hurts my back by riding me like a horse.

The baby in the videos makes the cutest lip-twirls, drooling with rosy-pink.
The baby with me today doesn't stop chattering , questioning every object's existence around her. (What's this? What's that? What does this do? Where did it come from? Can I eat it? No? Let me still try...)

The baby in my phone is the girl I thought I would remember every yawn of.
The baby with me today remembers to correct me every time I yawn out loud, without covering my mouth.

I thought I was collecting & captivating everything in my memory. I thought I was doing the impossible task of capturing time.

I am so glad to realise that I haven't been able to remember everything; that I will chance upon something from the thousands of your captures, that will make me go into a trip-to-the-amazing-past kind of memory lane; that no matter how much I try to write, I will always be humbled by the miracle that is a infinite shades of a child; that no matter how big our haystack, I will always end up finding memory-like-needles of a life well-lived.

Let me capture a picture of you now, shall I?


Love,
Maa.

Snake-Woman

Dear Piya,

This world has many amazing creatures.

There are animals, who little toddlers like you love to observe.

There are birds, who babies like you love to listen to.

There are fish who little ones like you enjoy watching.

There are human beings, who are the source of little ones like you.

And then there are the super-humans, who are mostly a figment of imagination of kids like you who grew up to realise how boring life is without a dash of creativity.

I thought I belonged to the category of human beings all my life.

That is till the day I had you.

The sheer pain of having pushed out another human being from me made me want to be declared as a super-human.

Your father did not approve of this, obviously, as that would make the parental balance weigh down heavily in my favour.

But then as I developed a distinct super-power as you grew up, my stature as a super-human started to become undeniable.

Here is the super-power I have mastered with time - Slithering!

Yes!

I have become glib at slithering out of our bed after putting you down to sleep.

It took me some time, but I realised this pretty soon that you sense my absence through some magical body-warmth-detector in you. That is the only way I can justify you waking up with a cry the second I get out of bed.

I did not want your sleep to be disturbed like this. You are little. Little people like you should sleep so that big people like me can do things around them.

As expected, you did not grasp any of this logic.

And so, as time went by, I tried newer & newer techniques to avoid waking you up with myself, that is till I became the super-human - Snake Woman!

It’s the only way to not disturb your sleep, till date.

All I have to do is wait till you are deep in sleep, move away one tenth of an inch per second, reach the edge of the bed and then slither down without making any noise.

It’s difficult than it sounds.

You have no idea of the number of times I have fallen down the bed failing to slither away effortlessly.

Apart from getting my bottom hurt, I have then had to deal with the grief of you waking up.

Anyway, what I am saying is that your mother has superpowers, girl!

If you wake up less often and annoy me to a minimum by doing so, I will teach you my secret some day.

So, be good okay?

Sleep tight.

Good night.

Love,

Maa

Lyrics of love

Dear Piya,

You may think that I am a romantic, based on the love-filled letters I have written to you.

You wouldn’t be wrong to think so.

I guess that when it comes to her child, every mother is a romantic at heart.

Everything seems prettier in the background of a laughing child.

Anything seems possible with the faith of a tiny finger wrapped around one’s palm.

All looks better & all feels right, with a child’s hug for a necklace.

It wouldn’t be wrong to wonder if lyricists think of little, adorable, munchkins, when they write beautiful songs of love.

I, for one, can serenade any love song to you. You are my Cuppy Cake, to the core, in that manner.

But that stands true because of the things you do, the way you do them & the manner in which you stand there, cluelessly adorable after having done them.

Lets speak of what happened a few days back - 

You wanted to do an odd activity.

I said, ‘No’.

You said, ‘Pleaseee...’ with eyes the size of  chunky almonds.

I took a deep breath, and repeated, ‘No!’.

You said, ‘Just for 1 minute...’

‘No, Piya...’

‘Acha...only 2 minutes...?’

I pursed my lips a little before erupting into a carefree laugh.

I did not know where ro even begin with my response!

How do I explain logic behind numbers to a toddler unaware of the concept of number?

All I could do was hug you & kiss your cheek ten times.

I know innicence comes to you naturally.

And you have to know thag my love for this innocence inside of you comes just as naturally to.

Do you mot believe me?

Shall I sing a romantic song to prove it?

Love,

Maa

The snoozing sweet spot

Dear Piya,
From as long as I can remember, my sleep cycle has gone for a toss ever since I welcomed you in my heart.
When inside me, you found immense pleasure in kicking every corner of my bulge ping tummy from within, all night long. And if that wasn’t enough, my bladder served as a squeeze-ball for your entertainment every few hours.
After birth, you woke up every 1-2 hours demanding satisfaction for your little appetite, as if an all-night-buffet was tagged on my head.
And then it took a while for you to accept that human beings sleep at a stretch at night, after I stopped breast feeding you; which is to say that your thirst during night was twice as much as during daytime.

But all of this is not the centre-point of this letter.
This letter is about the time you were completely trained with pee-pee & potty control.

Spoiler alert - That is yet to happen.
Centre-point alert - I have no issues with that.

All the while that you were on breastfeed & then again thereafter, the only thing you did not trouble the night with was your pee-pee & potty.
I did act stupidly some time into your birth by avoiding diapers, but I have not had better days ever since I started making you wear them!
Be it use-&-throw or be it reusable ones, diapers are a boon to any mother, and of course to babies too!
They make a baby sleep like an angel through the night.
This in turn means that the mother’s dark circles get saved from getting a deeper hue.

Thankfully, you got trained to do potty on the pot only, since you were 14 months old.
But pee-pee training has taken quite a long time for you.
Now that you are over two years old, I am told that you should be made to sleep without a diaper.

Here is where I should tell you something.
You took a while to adjust with sleeping through the night after we stopped night feed. It is only since some weeks that I have realised what it feels like to have 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep; something I had forgotten for 3 years, now!

I really don’t care what ought to be or should be done with your diaper.
There is no one-size-fits-all, believe me.
Some babies get trained by the age of two, while some kids wet the bed after 5 years of age too.

Amidst all of the motherly concern over a silky diaper, I also have to address the sleepless girl inside me, who has been robbed of dreams for years.
I owe it to her to enjoy this snoozing sweet spot, as a little girl sleeps heavenly besides her.

I will let her have this time, before I rob her off a sleep-cycle again, with your night-pee-training.

Till then, sweet dreams, my love.


Love,
Maa.

Jump, Jump, Jump

Dear Piya,

Letting go off your hand, from my metaphorical, as well as literal, parental grip, has been easier said than done.

No, this has nothing to do with my unmanageable attachment to you (which exists, alright);
This is because I am afraid you will hurt yourself if I let go.

You keep jumping up and down everywhere, like a monkey! (Maybe that's where the idea of evolution began from - somebody watched a toddler, that's it!)

Having been given the front row seat to witness how a baby-like-seed germinates into a child-like-plant, I have learnt some things about human anatomy.

One such important learning is the discovery of an invisible spring - This is most likely located in the backbone of a toddler, and becomes vestigial as they grow up.

It is because of this spring that you keep jumping on any surface your feet land upon!
Be it a bed, be it our back - you started hopping on & off surfaces like they were trampolines.
This has cost us our bed's even surface, our couch's cushion, our lawn's green grass and our back's medical insurance.

It all started when we took you to a play area that had - fall-proof mattresses, dive-in-ball-pool & even small trampolines.
You realised that you can let your knees bend and throw your body in any direction by springing up and beyond a surface.
Just like that, the world became your acrobatic arena.

But not every place is fall-proof, which is why you have hurt yourself multiple times through haphazard jumps.
But has that stopped you from leaping off the next place?
Goodness, no!

And that's exactly why I like holding onto your hand; to be there to save your fall.

I don't know if that is right, though. I mean, one should learn from their own falls, right?

What I couldn't, you did.

As I refused to let you go, you pulled me along with you, inside a trampoline one day.
I hesitated at first.

But as the stretch of elastic under my feet vibrated, it activated the vestigial spring in my backbone.

We jumped up and down, howling like the monkeys we have evolved from!

Thank you, for sharing your streak of resilience & adventure with me.
And don't be surprised if you find me jumping some where, every now & then.


Love,
Maa.

Traveling with a toddler - Paris, Prague, Budapest

Dear Piya,

We just came back from a vacation.

This was immediately after you turned two.

In hindsight, it would be interesting to ponder upon why we did not take this immediately before you turned two, as it would have costed us two tickets less (full price, to & fro for you, baby!), but that would have hardly changed the non-monetary experiences we had during the course of our vacation.

The trip was planned for two weeks of stay in three different countries - Paris, Prague & Budapest.

These cities are usually popular with tourists, and so we decided why not pay them a visit. After all, Paris has Disneyland, Prague has Praha Zoo and Budapest has luxurious swimming pools in the name of thermal spas - all of which could cater to a young toddler’s interest.

What I forgot was that in addition to these wonder accompaniments for the trip, we had you - a wonderfully hyper-active toddler.

We posted a lot of pictures of our trip online for our friends & family to see how lovely these cities are and how much fun we are having enjoying in there.

But just like nobody posts online about the pain in their stomach over the lipstick on their face, we too did not share any sour experiences.

I think I am going a little harsh here with the use of ‘sour’ because what we experienced behind the scenes was more like a comic sitcom for the passerby, as a little toddler gave her parents a hard time playing ‘Catch Me If You Can’ on the streets abroad.

Yes, that’s you, our little roadrunner!

I ask myself what I was thinking taking a two year old to foreign land for a vacation.

The naive answer in my mind was that I expected to relax a little through time away from the routine of a working day.

The real answer now is that of the laughter of an audience who enjoyed quite a show watching us say ‘Please, baby, please...’ all through our tour, to make you sit, eat, walk, lay down, keep quiet, stay in one place, stop from throwing things around...you get the flow, don’t you?

Whew! I am getting tired just by re-living those memories!

And then I start to go over the mesmerising laughter on your lips as we chased you watching character after character on Disneyland. You couldn’t get enough of all the cartoons around you. Add to that the sheer number of toys you got lost in and our day was made.

The zoo in Prague had you with its first elephant! Every hippopotamus, every giraffe, every tiger and every lion after that were the cherry on the top of your cake of happiness.

And while a thermal spa wasn’t really the swimming pool you expected, you blessed us with a sound sleep in your stroller as your parents enjoyed some carefree time to their own, at a hand’s distance from you, in the thermal pool.

You cried. You got cranky. You ran away & fell down & did more such annoying things more times than I could count.

But you laughed.

You danced.

You jumped.

And you hugged me even more number of times.

You learnt of newer words, ones which I had struggled to make you repeat from a book.

You saw grand structures with awe & you jumped on every vast street for a stroll.

You stubbornly demanded any ice cream we ate & you relished many unhealthy snacks.

Don’t be surprised if I tell you that it was you who woke up your exhausted parents every single morning with a, “Get up! We are getting late for fun!”

All in all, it was an amazing trip.

And to all those people who say that traveling with a toddler is like doing a vacation wrong, I would like to say, “You bet. But it’s all worth the trouble if you do it well enough.”

Thanks for a lovely trip, honey.

As we returned home all healthy & safe, I couldn’t have asked for a better journey with you.

Love,

Maa.

Yesterday One, Two Tomorrow!

Dear Piya,

That time flies is what I am riding a running horse on, as we stand on your second birthday already!

I have not forgotten a single memory of the day you were born, but I an smiling from ear to ear since morning today as I vicariously live the best day of my life through replays of vivid sounds & pictures & sensory euphorias of this day, two years ago.

As cliched as this statement sounds, yes, I did have the best shine in my smile as I heard your first cry, as is said about how that is the only time a mother enjoys her child’s cries.

We had decided not to celebrate your first birthday, mich against the big whoop around Big One. Your father & I thought that it would be best to celebrate with pomp & fervour at a time when you understand some bits of what a little party is actually; for you to enjoy the fact that there are friends around you, there is cake & there are gifts for you to tear open.

It was clear to us that when one, this concept of celebration was still new to you.

But quickly after the the first twelve months of your life, you caught hold of the tradition of singing ‘Happy Birthday’. As you inched towards turning two, you insisted on a cutting any & every cake whoever’s birthday it might be, you wanted to pull out the cherries off the cake & ruin the cream layer in the processs and you most certainly wanted everyone around to clap & sing the birthday song  for you. So after having celebrated your birthday thus on every house-member’s birthday, we decided to throw you your first birthday party.

There are some few hours left for that to begin, yet.

And my letter to you had to be ready before that, because I have been singing merrily ever since I have woken up, looking ag your childly radiance, loving you more than ever through the proud feeling of being your mother.

I am wondering if I would want this day to be celebrated for my own self too.
Because I do not remember how I was on the day of my birth; probably crying aloud my guess is.
But I remember every tear of pain as well as joy later on that I experienced on the day of your birth.

In every way, hence, I should celebrate it as my day too, as yourbirth story is in every way  my birth story too.

Happy birthday, my little girl.

I love you to the moon & back.


Maa.

The Crescent-shaped Cave

Dear Piya,

Doesn't it feel nice when something makes us warm & comfy?
Like an icy treat on a hot day.
Like a soft blanket on a cold night.
Like a tight hug on a blue day.
Like your arms around my neck, any day of the year.
Like some few minutes of sleep for a young mother, any time of the day!

There are but a few things in life that fall under the category of 'snug'.
That is what sleep should be like - cozy, sheltered, relaxed & prolonged.

If only wishes as such were like apples on a tree, I would have climbed up to the highest of branches just to pluck a small fruit.

Hmmm...yes, sweetheart, this letter is about a nice & warm sleep.
But it isn't my sleep we are going to talk about; its yours.

But before the finer details, here’s a little fun fact-
The essence of somebody’s deep sleep lies in the posture they don when asleep.

Some people spread their arms out and spread like a bed sheet on their bed.
Some people curl up like a caterpillar in its cocoon.
Some others lie down straight, as if they were sentenced to sleep in an attention-position.
And some others like me keep changing postures all night long - sometimes on their back, sometimes on their tummy, but mostly on their sides with a curve being formed through the position of their hands above & legs below, like the entry to a cave.

Now, I have already written so much about how tough an ordeal it is to put you to sleep, you active, active kiddo! But here is something new - what happens when the world is asleep?

This is what -

It was a few weeks back when this started.
We were asleep.

It must have been a few hours post midnight.

You are aware that all of the bed falls short when it comes to your sleep-circling-tour across it, don't you?
Oh, well, now you know.

So it was during one of these topsy-turvy circling around round of yours that your leg kicked me in the face, yet again.
You would expect me to get used to this after having been kicked, slapped, hissed at, sniffed over & even bum-pushed into my face by your little body.
But as they say, hundredth time is the charm!

And as the charm left my face hurting I swung your body around with an angry gesture of 'Go back to sleep, and out of my face, Piya!"

Well, the expected happened.

Your sleep-cycle broke and you started crying.

I felt bad, but what can you expect from a person whose REM sleep you just disturbed with a kick-in-the-face?

Anyways, my motherly love towards my darling baby (You, darling, that's you), came into play.
I pulled you close to myself.
You turned away, and so I had to pull you back in.

As you neared me, your back took rest against my chest. You curled up into the cave that was formed by the position of my neck through my thighs - A Crescent-shaped Cave.

Your sobs slowly faded away into some lullabies that I sang to you, and soon enough you were fast asleep.
It has been weeks since that first time, but you have found and claimed your Crescent Cave every night ever since.

I experience your hair tickling my nostrils, at times.
Sometimes your head hits my jaw as you enter the cave with a thud.
I can also feel your chest breathing in & out, with the vibrations passing through my juxtaposed shoulders.
And then there are times when you rock my body awake when the cave is out of reach due to another posture that I am sleeping in, to put me into the desired C-shape of sleep wherein lies your comfort zone.

This cave through my curving body, seems to be your secure, warm, cozy shelter for a sound & loving sleep.

Tell you what, love?
This cave is my shelter of a sound sleep too as nothing in the world compares to feeling your heart beat through my chest, because that’s how close we are as you sleep with your head resting on my arm, in the Crescent Cave you love so much, that you come knocking every night on it.

Of all the tiring days when I have waited endlessly for you to get tired & fall asleep, this is one wonderful memory I wish to treasure.
I hope you will too.


Love,
Maa.

Before Life Happens To 'Us'

Before Life Happens To Us.


Dear Piya,
I am in a fix.


And it seems like I am in a fix, more often than not, these days.


To revel in the beauty of the moments with you or to capture it forever by taking time away from that moment - this is always a fight between my heart & my mind.


For a young mother with the desire to make something of life, raising a child while maintaining all the pillars of the day intact, is a real task. And it is no secret that my desire to keep writing to you takes priority over other things.


You are as much a part of this journey as I am, which is why my wish to share it all with you pushes me through the day.
The minute something newly amazing happens with you, my mind would start formulating a note to you about it!


And girl, are you an active baby or what?
It is as if you want to explore everything for the fear of missing out on things you may have left out.

I do enjoy watching you peek through, crawl under, run about, sniff around, rub over & even bite into things; I really do.
It is when your incessant running ends up giving me a backache that I tend to step my foot down.


I am sorry, my child, but I did not age quite as energetically, it would appear.
Trying to match your runs usually ends up in making me more tired than you by the end of the day. Truth be told, I pray & wish you are able to retain this streak of ebullient energy throughout life, unlike your old pal.


Now then, coming to how these runs that have made over two years go by like a merry-go-round:
Did I ever tell you how & when did I find time to capture my letters to you amidst all the running?


Between my desire to tickle in the moment with you & my wish to write it all down as it happened (because freshly churned & captured tastes the best!), I struggled to find a way to do both.
All that was required was a small sacrifice - that of some of my sleep.


Are you wondering how giving up on some little sleep qualifies as a sacrifice? Well, little woman, it may take time but you will surely learn this truth of life - true love isn’t roses & chocolates; true love is letting your loved one sleep, especially when that loved one is a mother!


Now, since my love for you surpasses anything I have ever felt, I did not want to give up on enjoying the giggles with you.
Which is why, as tired as the night got, I waited for your energy-spurts to end in your blissful sleep (sometimes with love, other times impatiently so).
And then after you had fallen asleep, I would convince my tired body to get on with writing your letter, which may not remain in memory the next day if lost, because a new day with you always promised of newer adventures to record.


Life is so exciting with you, Piya, that I cannot say ‘I Love You’ enough.
Days of such fun & fervour seem to die a natural death as we grow up, although I wonder why it is so.
Maybe it is so because childhood is a carefree fair.
Or maybe, perhaps, because sooner or later life happens to every innocent soul.


Soon enough there will be activities that will take time away from 'us' - you & I. And then we will have to make time for these beautiful moments that come flowing naturally today.
Oh, how I shall miss them, is a thought my emotional side prays & keeps away!
After all, I am myself an example of the same life-happened-to-prey as I declare that 24 hours fail to suffice in a day for us to make an actual day out of it!


Everyone I see today was once a carefree, innocent child, after all - to all of these, or rather, to all of us, ‘Life Happened’.


With the hope of your innocence-filled-happiness to last forever on my lips, I wish to keep living this phase at your best, at the same time capture all that words can, while you sleep (and I don’t!).


This letter is, hence, dedicated to the fix life puts us in.

In the meanwhile, let us just be, my girl, till life happens to us!

Love,
Maa.

No To Screens, Yes To Nature!

Dear Piya,

You were born into an age of technological dominance in this world.

This is opposed to the time of my childhood, where sun & sand were all of a child’s best friends.

Call me orthodox, but I favored raising you the way I grew up - away from what’s behind the screens & into the lap of nature. I had some robust reasons, but the result of this one decision left me more proud of you than of my own self!

Now, my reasons were-

• To keep your eyesight sharp for as long as possible, which was eventually (probably) going to succumb to the ill effects of screen-time, given the rise of screens
• To make you explore the world on your own rather than through the experiences of others, as showcased in pictures & videos
• To make you cherish living in the moment, against living it with an absent minded stare into a screen
• To strengthen the bond between you & I, much above that between you & some gadget

To begin with, I denied you of any screen time during meals. This has been ingrained in me by my parents &, while I do not uphold this with strict adherence, I hoped to follow the same as I led you by example.

It was tough, as the constant distractions a child can have while chewing onto a single bite are beyond the imagination as a human being. All it takes is a small chirp of a bird from out of the window and you stop eating in favor of the bird’s melody.

Ideally, I would have wanted you to pay attention to the food on your plate, appreciate its flavor, learn about its benefits etc., but I decided to settle for a distraction, as the sweet spot between your full attention to food & a mindless eating routine through a screen.

As we saw the birds everyday during your meal time, this habit developed quite favorably towards making you eat your food with fervor & enjoy nature’s beauty, at the same time.

Without much realization, I myself became a bird watcher along with you. And since some talk is necessary I started describing the visuals to you, in addition to some food-info, like the birds we saw, the sounds we heard, the color of nature’s scenery, the motion of the trees & everything available to soothe our senses naturally!

It was during one of these times that we caught sight of a dove searching for twigs to build a nest in a tree nearby. The bird kept flying to & fro between the grassy garden & its in-progress-nest, and as it did, so did you go on to eat your food.

I kept talking to you about this, with in between insertions about what you were eating.

I did not know when I stopped telling you of things & start thinking of the bird’s zest towards picking up one twig at a time, over & over again. It wasn’t just the magnum of the time & effort required to create a nest that boggled me, but the overall fact that we as humans tend to take so many things around us for granted! 
The beauty & the luxury of this mere sight enchanted me. 

Given the fast-paced technology-dependent world this is today, seldom have I spent so much time on something that doesn’t give a quantitative output, sadly.

“Maybe this is why bird watching is considered a self-reflection therapeutic kind of activity.” I thought to myself.

This is where you shouted, “Mumma, aaaaaa” with your mouth wide open in front of me for another morsel.

I laughed at being more of a bird watcher than your mother today. But that would make me more of a friend as well, wouldn't it?

And since you followed my sight back to nature, I am not complaining.

My little girl, you could have as easily learnt about birds through photos or videos of the same. But isn’t watching them & gaining a first-hand experience worth the long lasting etch in your memory? Not to mention, you will also now remember that your Maa was beside all through out - a thought that is as relaxing as watching that pretty bird chirp & hop.

I will have to let go off of you someday, darling.

Someday, you will build a nest of your own, beyond my tutelage, like that free bird.

And I will try my best to hold back my tears, I promise.

But until then, I wish for you to see all that nature has to offer, by my side, for you to become a truly happy person, independent of a dependence on the world created by man (as much as possible, my love).

Love,

Maa.