Mumma ke tummy mein se

Dear Piya,

There are way too many things happening around you, as you have steeped hard onto that paddle of growing up.
I constantly find myself making a mental note of what I would want my next letter to be about, only to end up forgetting the first note as I conjure up the fifth letter in my memory.

But here is something that I haven't written about; that I should have written to you a long time back.

"You came from me.
You are a part of me.
You are the best reason I have ever had to smile.
And that is because you came out of me..."

This is what the expression of 'I can't believe I have such an adorable baby' in my eyes has stood for, every time I have looked at you.
This is what my words have struggled to express, every time you have coming running into my chest with a thud with a 'Mummmmmmmmmyyyy'.
This is what my chest enlarged with extra deep breaths means, every time you do something impossibly amazing, making me feel proud on cloud nine.
This is what that mute moments of long stares at you try to communicate as my eyes remain fixated on your beautiful, little, sleeping face of an angel, wondering whether to risk touching you to close your gaped open, drooling mouth.

You came from me.
I have skipped heartbeats with this sentence on my lips as much as I have grinned my teeth wide upon ownership of this sentence.

Now, the reason I am writing to you about this just now isn't purely coincidental.
While I maintain how I have felt this way ever since you were born, I had only muttered this feeling under my breath so far; that was till today.

Take it from you mother - It is one thing to experience love for your child in every cell of your body, and a completely different butterflies-in-my-stomach mixed with tears-in-my-eyes kind of thing to have your child repeat your feeling!

Today, I took the liberty of telling you where babies come from (a friend is expecting and I was sharing the welcoming idea for a new baby with you).
As I described a baby's entry into the world through a pop out of her mother's tummy, the next line of conversation naturally led to, "Do you know where you came from, Piya? You came out of Mumma's tummy!"

You looked at my face with an incredulous expression.
And then you looked in the direction of my stomach.

"No...." said your face.

"Yes! Aap Mumma ke tummy mein se aaye ho!" I repeated wanting an affirmation from you (because I just needed to have you believe then & there!)

"Mumma ke tummy mein se", you finally giggled with.

"Awwwww..." I pulled you in and hugged you tightly. I did not want to let you go for a long minute, but you needed your space because you weren't back in my tummy just like that.

"Aap kahan se aaye ho, Piya?" I asked greedily to hear you say it again.
"Mumma ke tummy mein se" you replied, with a less ecstatic expression now.

Wanting to make you say it again, I instantly & naively asked, "How did you come out of Mumma's tummy?" only to realise what a dumb line of questioning that was.

Now, you better believe me that little humans like you are born with wit ingrained in them, because here you replied with, "I slowly crawled out of Mumma's tummy and then came out with a hurray!"

I stared at you with an incredulous expression now, only to nod my head with disbelief at my child's innate genius moments later.

"Piya...Piya!"
That's all I could manage to say.

I have said it before and I will say it again -
You are amazing, my love!
You are the most amazing part of me.
You are the best reason I have ever had to smile.
And that is because you came out of me...



Love,
Maa.

The essence of a good life

Dear Piya,

What is important in life?
You will get different answers from people to this question.
Good food, ample wealth, name, fame, power, travel - the options are plentiful.

If I were to ask a small child, she would probably say that play is very important to her.
To a pubescent child, going out with friends (or having no homework) would score as very important.
And to most adults who have gone beyond these tangibles in life, the most important aspect of living would be ‘sleep’.

Yes.

Sleep is the most important factor of a good life.
And the gesture of gifting somebody the luxury of sleep - that is divine!

While I learnt of this wonderful truth some years into my marriage (life was blissfully carefree prior to that), I claimed membership to this elite school of thinking, which believe me that ‘Sleep is the seance of life’, ever since you were born.

I have no idea, though, as to how to make a wailing baby understand why her mother needs a gift of good sleep from her.
You may be two years old, but you still qualify as a baby.

You have no worries about getting up early to catch the worm. You just want to enjoy playing and frolicking around till as long as possible through the night.
In fact, I jokingly say this to many - if I don’t pull you into bed, you could do a vigil every night!

But, as is the case quite often with us, I underestimated your deep understanding of this subject.
So, while taking a good snooze is essential for a mother to endure the next day, you made me realise that one element that supersedes this - The benefit of a sleeping child after the mother has woken up!
Oh, yes!
The liberty to wake up, stretch a little without turning around in horror of having woken up your child by doing so, sit on the pot in peace with no knocks on the bathroom’s door to make you get out in the middle of your session, the ultimate luxury of starting a shower & finishing the process of washing your hair in one go - my, oh, my!
These are precious beyond sleep.

So yesterday, when I got out of bed, rather slithered out, my foot stepped on to the ground with a tad bit more force than usual.
This was enough to reach your supersonic hearing capacity, even in deep sleep.

You moved a little, while still asleep, and prayers started whispering out of my lips.

Much to my agony, you opened your eyes.
You saw your mother standing in front of our bed, with her hands folded in a plea.
You blinked twice, as I prepared for a tear down my cheek.
But then you shook your head and went back to sleep.

I froze in that moment.
I did not know how to react.

Having you ruin my morning routine by waking up exactly when I am in the bathroom - that I am used to.
Having you give me the breathing space of finishing my morning routine, by going back to sleep - this was absolutely new!

I wanted to dance in joy, but I couldn’t risk you waking up yet again, lest you decide not to repeat the last act of mercy.
So I did a little ‘hurray’ in my mind and tiptoed into the bathroom.

‘My baby is gaining such maturity at such a young age...Awww.’ I couldn’t stop smiling to myself.

And then, after freshening up, just as I was washing my face, I heard the familiar cry of ‘Mommee’.

‘Aha...so much for maturity, baby!’
And I came out to welcome your day with a hug.

But I won’t steal your credit altogether.
You did something amazing; even if it was for just a few minutes, it does count.
Just try stretching it by a minute more every week, from now, will you please?


Love,
Maa.

The Opposites

Dear Piya,

This world exists in opposites.
There is black to white.
There is day to night.
There is zero to one.
And then there is child to mum.

Let’s talk a bit about that last contrast.

I wish for you to learn good things. Through these I believe you will incorporate good behaviour. And for this, I have been communicating, the benefits of being good, to you since you were in the babble-phase-of-life.

For every good deed done by you (picking up your toys, finishing your meal, brushing your teeth instead of your lips, accepting the pair of clothes I have chosen for you to wear, etc.) I always make it a point to say aloud “What a good girl you are!”

In line with the opposites of the world, then, for every bad deed I wish you wouldn’t do (throw things around, spill the food everywhere space exists, refuse to eat, refuse to take a bath, refuse to go to sleep, refuse to wake up, etc.) I try to evoke good behaviour through “Are you not a good girl? Do you want to be a bad girl?”

You must be wondering how silly all this sounds. Well, wait no more for it to get sillier. I actuate your good behaviour with your liking for the animal kingdom.
“The peacock did not spread its feathers today. Do you know why? Because you haven’t brushed your teeth yet.”
“Can you hear the dog barking? It is angry with you for not eating your meal.”
“See? Even the pigeons are flying away to sleep now.”

Now the beauty of childhood lies in two essential elements-
1. A young mind, being a blank slate, is very trusting. This works a lot in the favour of parents finding the journey a bit tumultuous with unstoppable little merry-go-rounds like you
2. A young mind, being a brilliant learner, learns of all their parents tricks in no time, leaving the poor parents with little respite from their unstoppable merry-go-rounds

Simply put, you were very receptive of my ‘Need to be good’ strategy - a reward for good deed and then some scolding for the bad deeds. I was conditioning you well, I believed, and slept peacefully for many a night.
That was till you figured out that being good is nothing but lame. Everything you really ever wanted always happened to fall in the ‘bad’ category.

And so, thereafter, to every “Aren’t you a good girl?” query of mine, you became quick with a smiling acceptance of “Nope! I am a bad girl”.
I guess you thought ‘Eh! What does bad bring in anyway? I might as well embrace the tag and enjoy the forbidden treats!’

You now relish ice-creams at night, as I stare my ray of ‘Bad girl!’ at you from across the room. Since you have already flaunted being a bad girl, you simply giggle from behind the ice-cream-moustache around your mouth.
For every time that I claim that the dog is mad at you for not going to sleep, you tell me to go put the dog to sleep instead.
And then, there is the never-ending drama-wail of yours which you seldom restrain from your lips; it’s effective & immediate solution is that I give up trying to convince you to behave, and simply shout out “Do what you want! Sleep. Don’t sleep. Eat. Don’t eat. Bathe or don’t! Why do I care!”

And this is how you bring out the third interesting essential element of childhood -
3. A young mind, being a kind heart it is, will always beat with sweet sounds of ‘Mumma’ on its lips

I guess you realise that you enjoy being bad for only as long as it bothers me.
And so, the minute I give up on you is the time you decide that being bad isn’t worth it after all.

This should be the answer to the question mark that popped in your head when I put child & mum in the ‘opposites’ of the world, right?


Love,
Maa.

Aapey Aapey

Dear Piya,

Taking care of a baby is quite a task for a mother.
I could write this whole letter solely upon how tedious it becomes for me to live through the cycle of ‘Feed, Clean, Repeat’ again and again, through years together; waiting for you to become self-sufficient one day.

Ironically, I am told that after the child does become independent, this phase is what a mother misses the most. I guess there is deeper emotion somewhere in being needed by your child.

But that seems to be a feeling reserved for exploration only in retrospect.
Because while this cycle goes on & on, a mother keeps putting in efforts to make the child not call ‘Mumma’ every second second.

Two major tasks I wished for you to master were - potty-training & self-feeding.

While you helped me immensely by mastering the former really early, your practical application of the latter came with an unforeseen round of troubles.

I think I should introduce the phrase ‘Aapey Aapey’ at this point - it stands for a screaming ‘I will do it myself!’

Oh, if I had a penny for every time you shouted ‘Aapey Aapey’!
You are a quick learner, baby.
You realised pretty soon that eating on your own is more in your favour than mine (I would be relived of the task of sitting patiently for an hour as you weigh whether you want to eat or not).

Yes, so you were the bigger beneficiary here and this is how. As your mother, I am obliged to make food for you that is more healthy than tasty. I was able to keep your sticky little hands off a lot of chocolates, chips & ice creams this way, for the first two years.
I did instil the concept of ‘Do it yourself’ alongside, in order to make you do your own chores like eating, wiping, picking up your toys etc. but I did not see this backfiring in any way - here came the terrible twos.
Herein, you knew you were better off without Mumma’s pestering to eat.
So you mastered the phrase ‘Aapey Aapey’.

“Eat your food, Piya! It’s getting cold.”
“Aapey, Aapey, Mumma”, you would say, only to grab the roti, make it barely touch the sabzi, and call it your meal.

“This is soup, Piya! What will you do with a fork in it?”
“Aapey, Aapey, Mumma!” And there went the soup, your clothes and the floor on their way to getting spoilt.

“Time to brush your teeth, Piya!”
“Aapey, Aapey!!!” You would scream if I even touched your toothbrush. I would stare as you chew through the toothpaste for 5 long minutes, before trying to make you brush properly, and that is where the ‘Aapey, Aapey’ scream would ring aloud again.

Oh, yes, this phrase has now seeped into every aspect of our lives and is not just limited to you eating a meal anymore.

You want to select your clothes ‘Aapey, Aapey’, which seldom match to make a pair.
You want to bathe on your own, which makes the bathroom a pond in no time
You want to carry your toys all by yourself too, which only means that the scatter-farm-exhibit is open for anybody & everybody to enjoy across the house.

Oh, for the good old days when I did things for you by myself! Yes, my back did hurt, and yes, I did wish for some of the work to be delegated to you.
But if only I had known the stubbornness of this ‘Aapey, Aapey’...

Wait, you are making way to my cosmetic-box again.
Wait!
That is not for ‘Aapey, Aapey!’

Wait.....!



Aapey, Aapey,
Maa.