Where do you sleep?

Dear Piya,

You know how I have always loved co-sleeping with you, don’t you?

But last night, I tried to offer you your own bed...

It may be hard to understand the depth of this statement right now, but where I am writing from, this is a huge!

There are two sentiments here, darling:

1. Yes, I am trying to move you away from the bed that your parents have shared with you so far
2. I am not succeeding so far

Granted, it has only been one night, but the result was beyond what I had prepared for.

I was hopeful of you sleeping through the night in your own bed, which by the way is right beside ours.

You sleep through the night since a long time now, love, so I did not consider an extension of the same as wishful thinking.

I mean, you are hardly aware of me sleeping beside you and your Papa is no more than a giant, kicking pillow to you!

Anyway, worst come worst, I thought I would have to prepare for a break in your sleep leading to a long cry over want for us (read me). I just figured that I would hug you back to the our bed in that case.

Now, here is the fun, as is always with you -

You showed me a third scenario.

Not only did you wake up crying (more like howling) in the middle of the night, you even showcased a complete disgust towards me for having made you sleep in a separate bed!

I mean, you were literally mad at me!

I say so because despite crying, you now refused to let me touch you let alone make you come to our bed!

I tried calming you down, but you yelled even louder if I tried to come anywhere near you.

You did the same if I tried to go back to my bed.

So, in the middle of the night, I stood in between two beds, neither one of which I could enter without eliciting a shriek out of you.

After 15 minutes of this illogical drama, I finally managed to bring a still-very-angry-with-me-you to our bed.

You finally let your frown turn down after 10 more minutes of soft wailing and that is when we finally hugged.

And now, you won’t let go off me...

Your eyes were still red in sleep mixed with tears, but I read something in them.

You were hurt.

I had taken away the comfort of your mother beside you in the darkest of hours, with little notice.

I had missed you too, but I was just moving forward with my plan of giving you some independence, honey.

Little did I know that the mere knowledge of the parent’s warmth nearby is more precious to the child that their own bed filled with soft toys.

I guess I should count my blessings alongwith the numbered days ahead before you do move into your own bed, your own room, and then one day, your own separate home, which would hopefully not be so far away that a hug in the middle of the night would be yearned for...

So...okay...I don’t think we are parting ways in the nights just yet, darling.

And since I am still getting my heartbeat back to normal from the gasp it took at the mere thought of you going away from me, I will now get back to hugging you.

Sleep well, my sweetheart.

Sleep well besides your mum for a long time...

Love, 

Maa.